The Saddest Goodbye

We arrived at Children's around 6 this morning. The minister that married Jermey and I, Larry Russi, met us in the lobby so he could bless and pray for Jack. His words were kind and soothing and put my heart at ease. Thank you, Larry.

While in the waiting room, we met a sweet little girl named Isabella. She had no problem jumping up on mine and my mothers laps and she was very generous with her hugs. Isabella has down syndrome and was there to have tubes put in her ears. We sang and played for a few minutes while we waited for Jack's name to be called. Funny how life gives you these sweet distractions at just the right times.

Once we were called, we said goodbye to Isabella and headed back to get Jack checked in and have his vitals done. After meeting with the OR nurse and the team of anesthesiologists, it was time to say goodbye. These people taking care of Jack are pretty amazing. They are so kind, loving and gentle and reassured us 37043048 times that they would take very good care of him. Though I barely know these people, I believe them. This didn't make it any easier to let him go and hand him off. I hugged him tight, kissed his cheeks and smelled his hair.. which at 4 months still has a hint of that fresh new baby smell. My arms passed him off to the doctor, but my head and my heart are holding him closer than ever.

There were tears. Tears for having to be apart from him all day.. for having to say goodbye and relinquish my sons well being into someone else's hands.. for the fear he might feel when I'm not there.. for the pain he will endure.. for giving him this broken heart and putting him in this position. I know that God is holding Jack in his hands and in his heart and I know my dad is in that operating room telling Jack he's been there, done that.

The fear and anxiety of waiting while your 4 month old is in surgery is indescribable . I'm picturing my baby on a table with his chest wide open.. surrounded by unfamiliar people. I'm picturing the pain and confusion his little heart will feel when he comes to. I'm thinking the unthinkable.

The nurses just came by to tell us that the anesthesia went well, that he is asleep and that the surgeon has made the incision. Our next update will be when he is on the lung and heart machine.

Keep thinking of Jack.. I will keep the blog updated as much as possible. 

Xo Marissa

Resting up in the car

Cutest boy in the cutest little Johnny 

What baby smiles with an empty belly before heart surgery!? THIS BABY!