O2, oh two. Oh no.

Jack has both oxygen tanks and a big black machine that converts the oxygen in the air to medical grade O2. This machine has to be plugged in and limits how far I can move around the house while holding him.

Evie is in the midst of potty training. Today she was really happy and excited to use the potty. Jack was having a rough day and didn't want to be put down. In the middle of nursing Jack, Evie declared that she needed to pee on the potty, crossing her legs and squirming as she tried her 2 and 1/2 yearold hardest to hold it it. I asked her to hold it for just 1 minute while I finished up with Jack. She tried, but was unsuccessful. She missed her opportunity to have a successful potty trip because of me and my preoccupation with Jack. A while later she very enthusiastically announces she needs to use to potty again. I placed Jack down in his swing, the only safe place I can put him down that his oxygen reaches, and head to the bathroom to help her. She is so proud of herself when she sits on the potty, and I love to be right there to cheer her on. Then Jack starts to cry. I tell Evie that I have to go take care of Jack.  I leave her to tend to her brother, and I hear her start to cry from the bathroom. I calm Jack down and return to the bathroom.. She was struggling-- I think her stomach was upset. She eases up as soon as our eyes meet. Then Jack starts to cry again. And again I tell her I have to go take care of Jack. She bursts into tears and says "No mama, stay with me. Take care of me." A one, two punch.

Jack's oxygen has become this anchor keeping me just out of reach from my daughter. The rope that tethers us is just 2 hairs too short and I feel like I'm drowning-- no matter how hard I thrash and flail at the waves that just keep crashing into me.

There has to be some slack in that rope at some point. There has to be some sort of balance to be struck. Evie has been unbelievably patient. She amazes me just as much as her brother does. Until that fluffy unicorn named balance presents itself, I will take Evie's lead and practice a little patience.